You Can't Make This Shit Up - Chapter "Trying To Escape"

We have some bank accounts here. We don't have an address in the States yet and can't open a bank account without being there, renting, buying, having a Driver's License, employment etc. So what can you do? We set up an account with an on-line bank using a relative's address. Now we can link accounts and move money out, right? Wrong...it is Puerto Rico and just like the "we don't ship to Puerto Rico" problems the same holds true with banking. No problem, we will wire the money. Yah, for $100? Extortion - putting money IN an account here - no problem- getting it out? Big problem. Our own money. So how do we do the house transaction? Usual way is to get a Cashier's Check or Manager's Check, deposit it and then what? Another kink - they put a HOLD on a local guaranteed Cashier's Check from a local bank, and hold it even longer (like weeks) if it is from somewhere else. Fortunately for us the buyer had accounts in the states that COULD just get wired into our in the state's account like normal business. We lucked out. Now we have to cough up $100 to wire the rest out or risk getting a Cashier's Check that maybe no one in the state's will deposit because it is from here. Maybe we will just get it in cash. Whatever we do we will NOT try to link to our account here because then we are doomed to a bunch of problems we will not be here to resolve.

Now that the house is sold I went with the new owner to put water and power on for her and off for us and to try to get back the $40 and $100 deposits. House papers were signed in 45 minutes and these 2 things took 5 1/2 hours to do! First the electricity - we get a number and there are 35 people ahead of us. Instead of sitting down we go to the water place and wait in line for the number, then wait in line for the number to be called, and then switch water on for her and off for us. Do we get the deposit back? In 3 WEEKS we have to wait in the lines again, in person, Jeff only since his name is on the account and beg. WE ARE CLOSING THE ACCOUNT! If we were going to BE HERE in 3 weeks we would probably need water. What are they thinking? We go back to the electricity place and no one is there and they are past our number. We have to get a new number. Luckily it is now 4 o'clock and we are next. It goes into her name (I won't even go into her problems since she already has an account since she is renting and this confuses them), it is turned off for us, but the $100 bucks? 1 little piece of paper (one of many) has to get signed by Jeff only despite my having a note from him giving me PERMISSION to close his account. Being crafty I tell him to wait a minute and I run outside with the paper, forge his name and return (yah, like he is in the car). Then he needs Jeff's license which I just happen to carry around a copy of for situations just like this. So will we get it? Doubtful but I tried my best! A very long day of ridiculous procedures that I swear they just make up as they go along.