The Way Things Are - Car Things

MARBETES: Once a year each car has to get a new sticker for the mandatory"insurance" they call the marbete. They are supposed to send out a triplicate piece of paper with car info on it that you take to an inspection station and then pay the money for the insurance, get the sticker, stick in on your car and you are good for another year. Kind of like car registration in the states but not really. Only once in what is almost 6 years now has this happened and apparently I am not alone! As the sticker expiration date comes close I check the mail knowing it will not be there but WILLING it to be. Easter and all the holy week crap is coming up which means constant closures of important offices etc so I have got to realize my hopes are dashed and I have to go to the PR DMV-like government office (CESCO) like it or not. This is a place of nightmares. It is a place that simply does not function. Oh, THE NOTE. The first time I went to pick up this slip of paper I waited for an hour only to be told I couldn't have it because Jeff was on the title and I am not him. Doesn't matter that I had a marriage certificate, driver's license and a slew of other papers with me, I couldn't get it. This is not a TITLE, it is a piece of paper with the weight of the car on it. This time I was prepared...I had THE NOTE. I also had a copy of Jeff's driver's license and other papers including the title. I went in the afternoon (which is always better) and here is how it went...Amazingly there are only 7 people or so in the line, 5 of whom appear to be together (waiting is a family affair because apparently there is nothing else to do here). We all wait for almost 8 minutes or so with no one being helped by the 2 men behind the tall counter - they are joking and looking at their phones. Then they bark out that we need to stand on the lozas blanca. We need to be like cattle and stand on the white tiles. Everyone snaps into position and they chat some more. Then they attempt to do some work. Everyone is there for the same reason - no marbete paperwork. After 28 minutes they have helped 2 people and it is my turn. I give them the old marbete paper and tell them I need the paperwork. They say they can't give it to me so I whip out THE NOTE. They want my license which I pull out. Now they tell me that for some unknown reason (power trip maybe) I have to go the the pharmacy outside the building, get a copy of my driver's license, and come back. WTF? The government doesn't have a copy machine? What on earth do they even want it for? It is possible I don't drive and got a ride here. My driver's license has nothing to do with this. I comply, but instead of getting in the line again (which is now 30 people deep) I go to the counter and wait until I get it. Amazing. The next day I go to the inspection place and there are 3 cars ahead of me. It takes an hour. When he puts the paperwork into the computer there is a glitch. We have REAL insurance and get a partial voucher (why it isn't a full one I'll never know) for the marbete. They can't process that. So now I have to go to a collectoria to pay. Now it is day 3 and where it gets interesting. Instead of going into Aquadilla I decide to try the collectoria (federal/government office) in Moca to pay for the marbete AND pay our income taxes. I get directions from 2 people and cannot for the life of me find the place. I see a cop and ask him. He proceeds to DRIVE ME THERE. We drive out of the plaza area, turn in some unmarked metal gates to a parking lot with 3 cars in it. He points to an abandoned building with dark glass. I park thinking WTF? I catch a glimpse of a suited figure slipping out the door so I go there. INSIDE these dark windows is another set of doors with a sign - Collectoria. No signs out on the road. None on the gate. None on the building. The sign is inside where you cannot see it until you are there! I go in and there is NO ONE THERE. I go up, produce the paperwork (inspection certificate, insurance voucher, driver's license etc). He slips into the back and comes out with a shiny new marbete sticker! Next I pull out the taxes with check. He offers to copy it for me, gets a receipt and I am off in around 15 minutes after numerous smashings of the metal date stamp. Still there is no line. NO ONE KNOWS THIS IS HERE! All this so I can pay $96 dollars. They can't make this an on-line procedure?

FLAT TIRES: In all my driving years I have never had a flat tire until I got here. If you live here you will get flat tires but they are easy to take care of. It isn't free like in the states, but there is a gomeria on every corner and for $5 you can be on the road again. Sometimes they don't charge you. I had a helpful soul put on my spare in the PETSMART parking lot when I couldn't get the lug nuts off.

TOW TRUCKS: Tow trucks are everywhere and will come for you eventually. It is not expensive. We have towing insurance on the old truck but last week the car leaked its transmission fluid and got stuck. It was 8 minutes from our house when Jeff and I had separate cars and were returning at 9:30 at night from diving. I went and got him and we left the car. It can take a couple hours for them to come for you and it is too hot to sit out there on the dirty, noisy road or in this case to dark and too late at night. The next morning we went to the KIA dealer and gave them $50 to tow it. Gave them the key and the location and didn't have to deal with that part of it. Knowing where to tow it is a different thing because if it isn't moving you have to know where a mechanic is so the tow guy can deposit it there. In this case the Kia has a 100,000 mile warranty so it is their problem. That's the only reason we got that car - all cars will have a problem here. It has now been a week and they just got the hose in. Now they can see if the transmission is screwed or if the hose is the only problem. A week.

CAR PARTS: Getting parts is what holds things up. Mechanics here are used to making things run with left over wires and garbage basically, but when the car window was smashed (while caving) it took over 3 weeks for the dealer to get one in. I think a monkey was steering it as a raft from Florida or something! That solves the mystery of why so many cars are driving around with garbage bags taped over the gaps. Going to a junker may work for older cars. Maybe. Lots of cars have mirrors hanging on by a wire since "mirror tapping" is a common act of aggression and stupidity here. No one even stops when they do it. Having the marbete insurance pay for it (or other car damage) just isn't worth the time it takes to register the parts with CESCO, So my mirror is taped on and Jeff had to replace the mirror part of his. Most cars don't bother fixing them and apparently pass the inspection anyway.

DRIVER'S LICENSE: This is something I have to do in July and I am really dreading it. My friend who has lived here her whole life just did it in 14 hours. There is a line to get a paper that proves you don't have tickets (or have paid them). Another to prove you don't owe tolls (no toll roads on this side of the island). Another paper is a doctor certificate that literally check off that you have a head and hands. You need stamps (another line). You need a bill to show your address. On and on the ridiculousness continues and I'll more to say about it once I have experienced it. I'd let is lapse but then insurance won't cover accidents to I can't really do that. To be continued...